that's what I get for hoping...

I, of all people, should certainly know better than to get my hopes up in regard to a guy. Of course as soon as I did they were swiftly dashed.

In the course of any visit to the gym I see a great number of guys who I would love to get to know better, and would love to date - but of course, the ones I'm checking out are never checking me out so I just assume they are all straight. The ones I do see obviously checking me out are all fat and/or ugly. So one night I was out at the gay bars with my friends and I happen to notice a guy standing next to me [who is quite hunky] who seems familiar for some reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it... so I ask him "do you work out at 24Hr Fitness?" Yep. I had seen him at the gym. He hung out with me and my friends for most of the rest of that night, went dancing with us and everything. So I foolishly think there might be something there. Well, I gave him my card that night but he never called or emailed. I saw him at the gym here and there and we chatted [small talk.] He went on a business trip and I didn't see him for a few weeks. Then last night I saw him and chatted with him for a bit - and asked what he had going on. He was free, so I suggested we meet for coffee.

We met and the coversation was ok at first, but then as it went on there was a lot of awkward silence. I was trying to come up with stuff to talk about, but he wasn't really helping much. Finally he just said "well, thanks for meeting me" and as we walked out (in silence) he said "I'm sure I'll see you at the gym." I couldn't even think of anything to say. He was completely uninterested in me. It was basically a cold, hard, reject smackdown. I guess he only agreed to meet me to be polite. It probably would have been easier on me if he had just said, "no thanks, I'm really not that interested." Then at least I wouldn't have dared to hope that a date would turn out well...

So, after the super high of a great weekend with my travel group, there was this super low. I guess my only consolation is that I'm still able to feel sad and rejected. At least I can still feel that and know that I'm not completely dead inside. I guess if I felt nothing then that would mean I am basically just a zombie. Somehow I don't think that's far off, though... since I've never felt actual love, and any hope I might have had of ever finding any is long dead...