Well, in my last few posts I talked about the guy that something magical happened between us... how he had lost his passport and it endangered his trip to see his "other." Well, he ended up finding the passport and went on the trip. I didn't hear from him at all the whole time. Didn't expect to, really - so it was fine. He gets back and we talk a few times on the phone. Then today I see on Facebook he has changed his dating status from "single" to "in a relationship" and although it doesn't list a person, I'm at least smart enough to know it's not me he's in a relationship with.
Well, at least now I know where I stand...
I, of all people, should have known better than to expect I would ever find a good gay man who actually wanted me as much as I wanted him...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
some might say that's a sign
In my last post here I vented about meeting the man of my dreams, but him not being 100% available.
Well, this coming weekend he had planned to meet up with his 'previous engagement' in Toronto. He hasn't been able to find his passport. At first he wasn't really looking for it, no doubt certain that it was just in a pile somewhere he hadn't yet looked through. Yesterday he turned his entire place upside down looking for it - imagining every possible scenario of where it might have ended up. No luck. Not being a believer in things like 'signs' 'destiny' or other mythical impossibilities I'd say the passport's AWOL status is merely a question of misplacement or loss. However, if someone DID believe in signs, signals, or indications of a supernatural fashion they may just be inclined to think that someone is telling him he doesn't need to go to Canada to meet up with some guy, when there's a great one right here waiting for him...
Well, this coming weekend he had planned to meet up with his 'previous engagement' in Toronto. He hasn't been able to find his passport. At first he wasn't really looking for it, no doubt certain that it was just in a pile somewhere he hadn't yet looked through. Yesterday he turned his entire place upside down looking for it - imagining every possible scenario of where it might have ended up. No luck. Not being a believer in things like 'signs' 'destiny' or other mythical impossibilities I'd say the passport's AWOL status is merely a question of misplacement or loss. However, if someone DID believe in signs, signals, or indications of a supernatural fashion they may just be inclined to think that someone is telling him he doesn't need to go to Canada to meet up with some guy, when there's a great one right here waiting for him...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
the ONE
For MANY years I had been waiting for the rarest of the rare - a guy who thought I was good looking, who I was also attracted to in return. Most of the time if a guy liked me, I wasn't interested in him, and if I liked a guy he wouldn't even give me the time of day. Or if I did manage to get a few dates out of one I liked, it would usually only last no more than a month and then he'd quit talking to me.
Well last week I think I met the one I'd been waiting for. He's really cute, really nice, has it all together, and most importantly he's totally crazy about me. We have crazy-mad sexual chemistry together, too, since we're both so completely into each other. So that's wonderful, right? Yea, except that just a few months ago he started a long-distance relationship with a guy who lives in Florida. I think he probably went into that relationship with the same gusto he has put into this one (he and I) as they have already planned at least two other trips to go places and meet up together, and they have both even already started trying to figure out scenarios where they would move to the same city. So where does that leave me? On hold. Somewhere I really hate to be.
He says he wants us to develop a friendship for now, which I am fine with, except for the fact that I view my friends and lovers differently. Once I make someone a friend, I stop seeing them as a potential mate or sexual partner. I love them in a different way.
A part of me says "stop being such a whiny bitch, just man up and wait it out" but then there's also the possibility that he will decide 'other guy' is the one he really wants and I will have wasted my time waiting for nothing... which would totally be par for the course for me. That kind of crap happens to me a lot.
It all comes down to the fact that, no matter what, I just have to wait it out and see what happens, and nobody really knows what the future will bring - I just needed to vent.
Well last week I think I met the one I'd been waiting for. He's really cute, really nice, has it all together, and most importantly he's totally crazy about me. We have crazy-mad sexual chemistry together, too, since we're both so completely into each other. So that's wonderful, right? Yea, except that just a few months ago he started a long-distance relationship with a guy who lives in Florida. I think he probably went into that relationship with the same gusto he has put into this one (he and I) as they have already planned at least two other trips to go places and meet up together, and they have both even already started trying to figure out scenarios where they would move to the same city. So where does that leave me? On hold. Somewhere I really hate to be.
He says he wants us to develop a friendship for now, which I am fine with, except for the fact that I view my friends and lovers differently. Once I make someone a friend, I stop seeing them as a potential mate or sexual partner. I love them in a different way.
A part of me says "stop being such a whiny bitch, just man up and wait it out" but then there's also the possibility that he will decide 'other guy' is the one he really wants and I will have wasted my time waiting for nothing... which would totally be par for the course for me. That kind of crap happens to me a lot.
It all comes down to the fact that, no matter what, I just have to wait it out and see what happens, and nobody really knows what the future will bring - I just needed to vent.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Why fat people prove there is no such thing as "intelligent design"
So this is something that I've been mulling in my head for a few days...
The fact that there is an obesity epidemic proves there is no God. How can I make such a wild and seemingly unrelated correlation?
Here's how it works:
If there was a God, and he created man in his own image, why would he build in a fundamental flaw like the ability to become obese?
Obesity is detrimental to your health, and therefore, not in your body's best interest - so why would a God who loves his children and wants them to be happy make them like that? Why wouldn't he have given them the ability to just shed, by whatever means necessary, any excess their body didn't need? True, in the olden days food was a lot harder to come by, but God, being omniscient, certainly would have known that we would eventually mechanize and industrialize and life would become easier for us and we wouldn't need to store excess body fat for survival.
And what about the Ectomorphs, who maintain their weight no matter what? Did God love them a little bit more than the Endomorphs?
So you might now argue that God decided to make people that way because he wanted them to learn a lesson about not overeating or overindulging. But here, again, what about the Ectomorphs, who can seemingly eat whatever they want and not gain any unwanted fat? God didn't think they needed that lesson?
The answer is that we EVOLVED to our current state - our bodies store the excess as fat because they learned through the evolutionary process that they needed to keep whatever they could in order to survive, in case there was a day when the hunt brought back nothing, the fruits and berries ran out, or the crops failed.
The different body types [ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph] likely developed from the different roles in society each had to carry out. The hunters/laborers had to be built for that job, and didn't need a lot of intellect for their work, while the educators/governers/caretakers didn't need a lot of brawn, but did need to know how to solve complex problems and organize the others.
The fact that there is an obesity epidemic proves there is no God. How can I make such a wild and seemingly unrelated correlation?
Here's how it works:
If there was a God, and he created man in his own image, why would he build in a fundamental flaw like the ability to become obese?
Obesity is detrimental to your health, and therefore, not in your body's best interest - so why would a God who loves his children and wants them to be happy make them like that? Why wouldn't he have given them the ability to just shed, by whatever means necessary, any excess their body didn't need? True, in the olden days food was a lot harder to come by, but God, being omniscient, certainly would have known that we would eventually mechanize and industrialize and life would become easier for us and we wouldn't need to store excess body fat for survival.
And what about the Ectomorphs, who maintain their weight no matter what? Did God love them a little bit more than the Endomorphs?
So you might now argue that God decided to make people that way because he wanted them to learn a lesson about not overeating or overindulging. But here, again, what about the Ectomorphs, who can seemingly eat whatever they want and not gain any unwanted fat? God didn't think they needed that lesson?
The answer is that we EVOLVED to our current state - our bodies store the excess as fat because they learned through the evolutionary process that they needed to keep whatever they could in order to survive, in case there was a day when the hunt brought back nothing, the fruits and berries ran out, or the crops failed.
The different body types [ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph] likely developed from the different roles in society each had to carry out. The hunters/laborers had to be built for that job, and didn't need a lot of intellect for their work, while the educators/governers/caretakers didn't need a lot of brawn, but did need to know how to solve complex problems and organize the others.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
delusional?
OK - so, if I didn't already sound like a snobby bitch before this post, I will now, but when I saw this I just couldn't let it go unnoticed.
So I was browsing around on one of the very numerous gay meat-market websites - not actually looking for anything really, just on the off-chance that I might find some unexpected diamond in the rough [yea, right] when I ran across this profile, which I clicked on. This individual had marked his body type as "Muscular." Uhhhmmmm... take a look at the picture he provided and see if you agree with him on that assessment of his physique:
I'm gonna put that down in my book as 'definitely NOT muscular'
So I was browsing around on one of the very numerous gay meat-market websites - not actually looking for anything really, just on the off-chance that I might find some unexpected diamond in the rough [yea, right] when I ran across this profile, which I clicked on. This individual had marked his body type as "Muscular." Uhhhmmmm... take a look at the picture he provided and see if you agree with him on that assessment of his physique:
I'm gonna put that down in my book as 'definitely NOT muscular'
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
that's what I get for hoping...
I, of all people, should certainly know better than to get my hopes up in regard to a guy. Of course as soon as I did they were swiftly dashed.
In the course of any visit to the gym I see a great number of guys who I would love to get to know better, and would love to date - but of course, the ones I'm checking out are never checking me out so I just assume they are all straight. The ones I do see obviously checking me out are all fat and/or ugly. So one night I was out at the gay bars with my friends and I happen to notice a guy standing next to me [who is quite hunky] who seems familiar for some reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it... so I ask him "do you work out at 24Hr Fitness?" Yep. I had seen him at the gym. He hung out with me and my friends for most of the rest of that night, went dancing with us and everything. So I foolishly think there might be something there. Well, I gave him my card that night but he never called or emailed. I saw him at the gym here and there and we chatted [small talk.] He went on a business trip and I didn't see him for a few weeks. Then last night I saw him and chatted with him for a bit - and asked what he had going on. He was free, so I suggested we meet for coffee.
We met and the coversation was ok at first, but then as it went on there was a lot of awkward silence. I was trying to come up with stuff to talk about, but he wasn't really helping much. Finally he just said "well, thanks for meeting me" and as we walked out (in silence) he said "I'm sure I'll see you at the gym." I couldn't even think of anything to say. He was completely uninterested in me. It was basically a cold, hard, reject smackdown. I guess he only agreed to meet me to be polite. It probably would have been easier on me if he had just said, "no thanks, I'm really not that interested." Then at least I wouldn't have dared to hope that a date would turn out well...
So, after the super high of a great weekend with my travel group, there was this super low. I guess my only consolation is that I'm still able to feel sad and rejected. At least I can still feel that and know that I'm not completely dead inside. I guess if I felt nothing then that would mean I am basically just a zombie. Somehow I don't think that's far off, though... since I've never felt actual love, and any hope I might have had of ever finding any is long dead...
In the course of any visit to the gym I see a great number of guys who I would love to get to know better, and would love to date - but of course, the ones I'm checking out are never checking me out so I just assume they are all straight. The ones I do see obviously checking me out are all fat and/or ugly. So one night I was out at the gay bars with my friends and I happen to notice a guy standing next to me [who is quite hunky] who seems familiar for some reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it... so I ask him "do you work out at 24Hr Fitness?" Yep. I had seen him at the gym. He hung out with me and my friends for most of the rest of that night, went dancing with us and everything. So I foolishly think there might be something there. Well, I gave him my card that night but he never called or emailed. I saw him at the gym here and there and we chatted [small talk.] He went on a business trip and I didn't see him for a few weeks. Then last night I saw him and chatted with him for a bit - and asked what he had going on. He was free, so I suggested we meet for coffee.
We met and the coversation was ok at first, but then as it went on there was a lot of awkward silence. I was trying to come up with stuff to talk about, but he wasn't really helping much. Finally he just said "well, thanks for meeting me" and as we walked out (in silence) he said "I'm sure I'll see you at the gym." I couldn't even think of anything to say. He was completely uninterested in me. It was basically a cold, hard, reject smackdown. I guess he only agreed to meet me to be polite. It probably would have been easier on me if he had just said, "no thanks, I'm really not that interested." Then at least I wouldn't have dared to hope that a date would turn out well...
So, after the super high of a great weekend with my travel group, there was this super low. I guess my only consolation is that I'm still able to feel sad and rejected. At least I can still feel that and know that I'm not completely dead inside. I guess if I felt nothing then that would mean I am basically just a zombie. Somehow I don't think that's far off, though... since I've never felt actual love, and any hope I might have had of ever finding any is long dead...
Monday, January 5, 2009
weekend adventures
This past weekend was a good one. Approaching it, I had absolutely nothing at all planned, but ended up staying busy every day, all day.
It started Friday night, when I took my co-worker Alicia out to dinner for her birthday. Although her birthday was the day after Xmas, she was sick that day so we postponed it. It finally worked out for Friday, and we went to Chaucer's in Addison, where I had previously gone with my travel group. They've got a sushi happy hour, where everything is 1/2 price or cheaper. We tried quite a few different things, and learned which ones we liked and which ones we didn't. I was having a rough time with the chopsticks that night for some reason, too. [My previous chopstick use there was actually pretty good - couldn't figure out why I was failing.] Anyway, after eating sushi and talking for a while we headed out, contemplated the movies at the theater, but when there was nothing we wanted to see at a decent time, we ended up going down to the West Village. We got ice cream at Paciugo, and then wandered around the shops there. I got a cute and sassy T-Shirt for 1/2 off from the Lucky Jeans Store. I put it on right then and wore it the rest of the night. I also got a much needed 2009 wall calendar at Barnes & Noble [also 1/2 off there, score!] From there we went out to the gay clubs. We started off at Round-Up, where I ran into my friend Jeff. Alicia was dead-set on finding us both boyfriends right there. I found a worthy candidate, but he turned out to be in a relationship [the good ones are always taken.] Later on we went to S4, and went to watch the drag show. While waiting for it to start I saw a really cute guy, who I naturally assumed was straight [since that's how my gaydar works - if I like a guy, he's straight.] Alicia wouldn't agree with me - she maintained that he was gay, so I finally went over and asked him. Alicia was right. But if I am really attracted to a guy who IS gay, then he is invariably not interested in me. This was no exception. The guy made conversation to be polite, but after his friends came back from dancing he didn't feel compelled to talk to me again. Whateva...
The drag show was fun. The emcee was really on her game. I also ran into Vincent as I was going to the bathroom, and since I hadn't seen him for a while and Alicia needed to get going anyway we snuck out of the drag show early and chatted with Vincent on the balcony for a minute. He had a song he had been working on which he played for me on his mp3 player. It was a rough-cut, work-in-progress. Very 'Joy Division' and 'Bloc Party'. When I mentioned 'Bloc Party' Vincent was impishly indignant. He hadn't wanted his main influence to show through, but it did.
Saturday was a beautiful summer day. Literally. Even though it was January 3rd, the temperature got up into the high 70's [like 78] - some even said 83 degrees in the sun, so I went on a bike ride around White Rock Lake with Danny. I took my shirt off halfway. Afterward, Danny, Craig and I all went to lunch at Chipotle. Then I went home and took a nap for a while. In the evening I met Tony and Jayson at Cyclone Anaya's for dinner. The food was ok, but the service wasn't great.
From there we went to Round Up, and then on to JR's. It was on the balcony at JR's that the night got a lot more interesting for me. Tony, Jayson and I were all sitting/standing around talking when I notice in my peripheral vision a really cute guy with very nice arms come stand next to me and look out over the balcony to the street below. Now, whether he had seen me and came and stood there purposely, or if it was just a mere coincidence - remains to be seen, but he seemed somewhat familiar to me [the subconscious mind knew him from somewhere] so I turned to him and asked: "Do you work out at 24Hr Fitness?" "Yes," he says "at Preston and NW Hwy on the weekends and 635/MacArthur on the weekdays." That was it. I had seen him there, and I'm sure, lusted after him. We talked for a while there on the balcony, and when it came time to get in free at S4, he went with me, and continued hanging out and talking with me. Now, it's not often that a seemingly nice gay guy hangs out an talks to me, so this was really nice. He even went out and danced with me and Tony. Andy texted me from Round Up and told me to go over there. I was conflicted because the cute guy was at S4, but I eventually told Andy I'd be over, and I gave cute guy my card. As I gave it to him he said "I'm sure I'll see you at the gym" which meant he wasn't interested enough to use any of the contact information I had just given him, but I guess there was something similar to interest there... maybe? I mean, there had to be, right? Why else would he keep hanging out with me and even dance with me? We'll see, I guess. I know better than to get my hopes up.
Anyway, I went back over to Round Up and found Andy and Misty there, who had gone to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert earlier. We had fun dancing and Misty and Andy had a flirty thing going on. Long about 2am I decided my body had had enough and I headed home.
Sunday Bryan and I went down to Sam's place in Uptown and hung out naked. We watched south park for a little while, then we all got dressed and went to Village Burger for lunch. It was busy enough that we had to wait for a table. After we got back we watched the movie "Running With Scissors." It was fun, weird, and interesting. I had traded messages with Andy somewhat and Bryan and I went over to Andy's and we soaked and chatted in the hot tub there for a while.
In the eveing I went to my parents' house for our monthly family dinner get-together. It was fun hanging with the family for a little while. Then I went to pick up Chris from the airport after his holiday trip to Germany. It was fun to hear the stories from his trip... ripped pants [with no underwear] in the airport... lusting after the super-hot German boys... etc.
It started Friday night, when I took my co-worker Alicia out to dinner for her birthday. Although her birthday was the day after Xmas, she was sick that day so we postponed it. It finally worked out for Friday, and we went to Chaucer's in Addison, where I had previously gone with my travel group. They've got a sushi happy hour, where everything is 1/2 price or cheaper. We tried quite a few different things, and learned which ones we liked and which ones we didn't. I was having a rough time with the chopsticks that night for some reason, too. [My previous chopstick use there was actually pretty good - couldn't figure out why I was failing.] Anyway, after eating sushi and talking for a while we headed out, contemplated the movies at the theater, but when there was nothing we wanted to see at a decent time, we ended up going down to the West Village. We got ice cream at Paciugo, and then wandered around the shops there. I got a cute and sassy T-Shirt for 1/2 off from the Lucky Jeans Store. I put it on right then and wore it the rest of the night. I also got a much needed 2009 wall calendar at Barnes & Noble [also 1/2 off there, score!] From there we went out to the gay clubs. We started off at Round-Up, where I ran into my friend Jeff. Alicia was dead-set on finding us both boyfriends right there. I found a worthy candidate, but he turned out to be in a relationship [the good ones are always taken.] Later on we went to S4, and went to watch the drag show. While waiting for it to start I saw a really cute guy, who I naturally assumed was straight [since that's how my gaydar works - if I like a guy, he's straight.] Alicia wouldn't agree with me - she maintained that he was gay, so I finally went over and asked him. Alicia was right. But if I am really attracted to a guy who IS gay, then he is invariably not interested in me. This was no exception. The guy made conversation to be polite, but after his friends came back from dancing he didn't feel compelled to talk to me again. Whateva...
The drag show was fun. The emcee was really on her game. I also ran into Vincent as I was going to the bathroom, and since I hadn't seen him for a while and Alicia needed to get going anyway we snuck out of the drag show early and chatted with Vincent on the balcony for a minute. He had a song he had been working on which he played for me on his mp3 player. It was a rough-cut, work-in-progress. Very 'Joy Division' and 'Bloc Party'. When I mentioned 'Bloc Party' Vincent was impishly indignant. He hadn't wanted his main influence to show through, but it did.
Saturday was a beautiful summer day. Literally. Even though it was January 3rd, the temperature got up into the high 70's [like 78] - some even said 83 degrees in the sun, so I went on a bike ride around White Rock Lake with Danny. I took my shirt off halfway. Afterward, Danny, Craig and I all went to lunch at Chipotle. Then I went home and took a nap for a while. In the evening I met Tony and Jayson at Cyclone Anaya's for dinner. The food was ok, but the service wasn't great.
From there we went to Round Up, and then on to JR's. It was on the balcony at JR's that the night got a lot more interesting for me. Tony, Jayson and I were all sitting/standing around talking when I notice in my peripheral vision a really cute guy with very nice arms come stand next to me and look out over the balcony to the street below. Now, whether he had seen me and came and stood there purposely, or if it was just a mere coincidence - remains to be seen, but he seemed somewhat familiar to me [the subconscious mind knew him from somewhere] so I turned to him and asked: "Do you work out at 24Hr Fitness?" "Yes," he says "at Preston and NW Hwy on the weekends and 635/MacArthur on the weekdays." That was it. I had seen him there, and I'm sure, lusted after him. We talked for a while there on the balcony, and when it came time to get in free at S4, he went with me, and continued hanging out and talking with me. Now, it's not often that a seemingly nice gay guy hangs out an talks to me, so this was really nice. He even went out and danced with me and Tony. Andy texted me from Round Up and told me to go over there. I was conflicted because the cute guy was at S4, but I eventually told Andy I'd be over, and I gave cute guy my card. As I gave it to him he said "I'm sure I'll see you at the gym" which meant he wasn't interested enough to use any of the contact information I had just given him, but I guess there was something similar to interest there... maybe? I mean, there had to be, right? Why else would he keep hanging out with me and even dance with me? We'll see, I guess. I know better than to get my hopes up.
Anyway, I went back over to Round Up and found Andy and Misty there, who had gone to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert earlier. We had fun dancing and Misty and Andy had a flirty thing going on. Long about 2am I decided my body had had enough and I headed home.
Sunday Bryan and I went down to Sam's place in Uptown and hung out naked. We watched south park for a little while, then we all got dressed and went to Village Burger for lunch. It was busy enough that we had to wait for a table. After we got back we watched the movie "Running With Scissors." It was fun, weird, and interesting. I had traded messages with Andy somewhat and Bryan and I went over to Andy's and we soaked and chatted in the hot tub there for a while.
In the eveing I went to my parents' house for our monthly family dinner get-together. It was fun hanging with the family for a little while. Then I went to pick up Chris from the airport after his holiday trip to Germany. It was fun to hear the stories from his trip... ripped pants [with no underwear] in the airport... lusting after the super-hot German boys... etc.
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