examining atheism

Tonight was a good night - I hung out with my sister and her family, and my friend Alicia came along with me. We had good food, and fun. I played Xmas hymns and we all sang. We got the boys all hyped up about Santa and Xmas and whatnot. Of course the subject of Jesus was at the forefront, being Xmas eve and all, and at one point in the evening Alicia and my sister both were talking about going to church and soundly assured me: "you'll be back." Of course, I've never been really good at debate, because I can't come up with the right response on the spot. All I could do was shake my head and disagree with them with my usual smile. That's very much why I prefer writing as a debate forum because it gives me the proper time I need to formulate a good response. Anyway, later I thought of what it was I should have come back to them with:

"Why would I go back? What does religion possibly have to offer me?" The whole time I was in my religion growing up I was not only deeply unhappy, but for my entire adolescence and into young adulthood I was totally suicidal. The only lasting feeling that the church and its teachings instilled in me was an intense and very real hatred of myself.

Suicide notwithstanding, what else does the church offer that I need? They offer to tell me who I am, what friends I should have, what I should or shouldn't do or think. They offer their control. That's basically it. "Give yourself to the church and we'll get you into heaven."

Well... what if I have enough knowledge of what's good and bad and the wisdom to exercise control over myself accordingly? What if I don't need to worry about whether I'll get into heaven or not - what if it's enough for me to just live a good life and be a good person? That means I don't need some old man's interpretation of a 2,000 year old storybook to tell me how to live my life. I'm smarter than that. The Mormon's argument, though is that they have a current prophet receiving revelation direct from God today. Uh, so... that's still some old man telling me who I am, when I already figured out that what they were feeding me all those years was not only damaging and wrong, but it was also complete BULLSHIT. It was only once I sat back from the table and took an honest assessment that I realized that's what I had been served my whole life, and I was tired of swallowing it. It was loathsome and disgusting and I kinda knew that all along, but because I had been trained since birth to just keep eating, I had kept trying to convince myself that I could do it and be happy. Well, just like eating shit in real life, there's no happy ending there. It will never make you feel good, and once you see it for what it really is you will NEVER go back to eating it again! So yea, I will definitely NOT be going back for another serving of that load of turd.

Now, with that said... I do not begrudge people their right to believe, or judge people for their belief. If it makes them happy and they find fulfillment in it, go right ahead and feast at that banquet. For you it may very well be the ambrosia that feeds and nourishes your soul. I wish happiness for all people, and if religion is where you find it then by all means, enjoy it. HOWEVER, don't try to "win me back" or to feel sorry for me, though, because I have never been happier. I absolutely LOVE living my life! [Something I would have never said while still a believer in the church.] Every day is a grand new adventure filled with endless possibilities. Yea, there's the mundane routine of a job that's "just work" but that doesn't get me down - it's a necessary part of life. There are bills that need to be paid. Hopefully I'll eventually transition into something more fulfilling as a career, and I'm working on that one little by little...

Anyway, the point is that I am accountable to no one but myself, and that's good enough. If I do something that wrongs someone else, I feel REALLY bad for it. Not because I'm worried about how God will judge me, but because I know that I should be better than that. Not because I'm worried about whether I'll get into heaven or not, but because of how I would feel if the tables were turned. There are good things taught in religion, which have been taught through all religions and outside of religion as well. The Christian version of it comes from Jesus and is most often quoted "do unto others as you would have done to you." That's my rule, and I like to say I do a pretty good job of following it most of the time. Most Christians believe Jesus made that one up - that he was the first one to think of that. Sorry - but just like the mythology on which Christianity is based, that one has been around a lot longer.